Domestic violence in Russian families and the new law on it are still widely discussed. Indicatively tough measures cannot solve the problem. It is necessary to fight not only with the consequences, but also with the deep reasons. But to get to the bottom of them, serious systemic research is needed.
Scientific research sometimes radically breaks the usual stereotypes. Take sexual assault, for example. In 1969, Denmark was the first in the world to legalize pornography. In 1991, University of Copenhagen criminologist Berl Kutchinsky, who has studied the impact of pornography on society throughout his life, analyzed data for 22 years since the legalization of porn. The research results became a sensation. It turned out that the level of sexual aggression in the country has significantly decreased. The same thing happened in Sweden and West Germany, following the example of Denmark. Similar studies conducted in various countries in the Americas, Europe and Asia have confirmed the Danish scientist’s conclusions that the availability of pornography does not increase, but decreases the level of sexual violence. In Japan, after the legalization of pornography, the level of sexual violence has decreased three times!
As for domestic violence, the new Russian law treats it very narrowly and one-sidedly. The problem is actually much broader. After all, domestic violence affects not only spouses, but also children and parents. Although in different proportions, all sides suffer: not only women, but also men, not only children from strict parents, but also elderly parents from the cruelty of matured children. Many husbands are simply embarrassed to admit that their aggressive wives open their fists. Even so, according to official data from the US Department of Justice, for every 15 women beaten by their husbands, there are 8 men beaten by their wives. Women are 2.5 times more likely to use a knife as a tool of violence and 2 times more likely to injure men with a knife and heavy objects in the course of domestic quarrels.
Belarusian psychologist Roman Kryuchkov, who has been working with the topic of domestic violence for more than 10 years, believes that men more often use physical violence, while women prefer psycho-emotional violence, the consequences of which may be worse than beatings. According to the psychologist, modern realities dictate the need to create a correctional program for female aggressors. And Roman’s colleague, family psychologist Tatyana Shcherba, claims that often a woman-aggressor does not consider herself as such and justifies her behavior in every possible way.
Contemporary domestic violence reflects what has been aptly called the “war of the sexes.” In the course of this war, families are crumbling, and not only women are killed and suffered. Hated and unwanted husbands are often quietly removed. Lady Macbeth is still not translated with us. This theme is reflected in contemporary cinema. The Russian film, which told the story of how a medical wife, having changed pills, killed her husband and took possession of his money and apartment, even received an international award. The topic is quite relevant. A female medical examiner told me that a friend of hers asked for poison for a perfectly healthy but terribly annoying husband. The medic seemed to dissuade me. However, a year later, the husband still died. His wife gave him some herbs to drink. Alas, there are many similar stories.
The war of the sexes was supplemented by the war of generations. Also with the victims. Parents sometimes beat and even kill their children, and grown-up children bully and send their parents to the next world. There is a story when a Moscow schoolboy hired a hitman for his father and mother just to take possession of real estate. Many older nonhumans solve this problem quite successfully and with impunity.
Family crisis is one of the main reasons for the rise in domestic violence. In terms of its consequences, it is much more dangerous than any economic crisis. Indeed, at one time it was the crisis of the family that contributed to the collapse of the mighty Roman Empire. Nevertheless, the real threat is ignored by the authorities. Nowadays, thousands of scientists and hundreds of scientific centers are engaged in the study of economic shocks, and no one around the world is engaged in a systematic study of the crisis of the family. A family crisis is primarily a love crisis. How and why does mad love turn into mad hatred over time? And not only between spouses, but also between parents and children. How can you avoid this? What preventive measures are needed? How to keep love? Modern scientists penetrate the secrets of the microworld and distant space, study nanoparticles and black holes. But for some reason they stubbornly refuse to penetrate into the secrets of the psychology of love. Perhaps this is hindered by social stereotypes, which they are simply afraid to break.
For example, fidelity has always been considered the most important virtue of monogamous marriage. Treason is condemned in every possible way. It is she who is the main reason for divorce in modern marriage contracts. Especially famous stars of show business and cinema. The American television program, which told about the hunt for unfaithful spouses, was very popular. It was demonstrated in many countries of the world, including Russia. According to the advice of revelatory TV programs and women’s magazines, the unfaithful husband must certainly be driven in the neck. As a result of such propaganda of marital fidelity, more than half of women are ready to break up their families after learning about her husband’s betrayal. Although, according to studies, only 5 percent of men abandon their families because of their mistresses. It turns out that overly jealous wives destroy ten times more families than unfaithful husbands. Thus, the widespread propaganda of marital fidelity is actually propaganda for the destruction of the family and an incentive for domestic violence.
Many people declare a monogamous marriage, but in fact live in a polygamous one, that is, they swear allegiance, but in fact have not one, but several sexual partners. This lie tears people’s souls and leads to family tragedies.
“… In essence, in modern society, in modern social everyday life, a real monogamous marriage does not exist, it is a conditional lie and hypocrisy,” the famous Russian philosopher Nikolai Berdyaev wrote in his book On the Purpose of Man.
Since this area is not systematically and seriously studied anywhere, in modern society everything is left to chance. People themselves are looking for and sometimes find very extravagant ways to preserve the family and fight jealousy. For example, swing is becoming more widespread in the world and in Russia. It seems incredible, but the exchange of wives is beneficial enough to strengthen the family. Studies in the United States have shown that swingers almost never get divorced. The poll showed that the exchange of partners in the majority, even quite happy, families have noticeably improved relations. And among those who before the swing considered their marriage “unhappy” and were about to get divorced, 90 percent noted improvement! The studies also tested the overall “happiness level” of swingers compared to normal families. It turned out that they are twice as happy as average Americans.
In addition to the secrets of love, there are quite open reasons for family dramas. It is noteworthy that the breeding ground for domestic violence is not destroyed in our country, but only fertilized. Tell me, what do we have more on the main television channels: propaganda of love or propaganda of violence? The answer is obvious. On the most popular television channels, the series run in an endless stream, and the overwhelming majority are detectives with many corpses. There you can always find a hint on how to quietly remove a hateful spouse and take possession of his condition. Love in detective series is often present, but, as a rule, it only goes in the background in the form of an office romance. In addition to popular TV series, there are also popular television talk shows that very successfully entice viewers by digging in someone else’s dirty laundry. The whole country every evening enthusiastically watches family scandals and showdowns. It is unlikely that this stream of negativity makes people better and kinder. Quite the opposite. In fact, such shows also stimulate violence, not love. By the way, explicit love scenes are prohibited by law. This is considered pornography. At the same time, explicit scenes of violence and murder are not prohibited by law in our country. And they are unlikely to be banned. Because bloody TV shows and dirty talk shows provide high ratings and thus expensive advertising. A lot of money is made on it. And this, as we know, is sacred.
What then is to be done? What is possible. For example, start a systematic study of the family crisis. Create a research center and consolidate specialists dealing with this topic. Russia could become a pioneer in this important area. Indeed, in Europe now all attention is paid to gender equality, and not to the crisis of the family. In 2009, the European Institute for Gender Equality was established in Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania, with an annual budget of seven million euros (!!!). It is curious that in the same 2009 in the neighboring Russian Kaliningrad, enthusiasts established the Institute of Sexual Culture and Family – ISKiS. Their proposals to create a systematic museum of the history of love, family and sexual culture, to create a corresponding department at the university and to publish a textbook did not find any support. In the end, the institute died quietly due to financial starvation. True, he still managed to publish a couple of useful books.
The greatest paradox of the wonderful Russian state is that we have millions for fantastic fees for football players and billions for corrupt officials, but for some reason there is no money in the country for research that is vital for every family and society as a whole. Therefore, we only have to rely on a new judicial club …