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VS explained how an employee to avoid dismissal for forced time off

Editor 2019

It is impossible to dismiss an employee who has taken time off on urgent matters for absenteeism – such an explanation was made by the Supreme Court. The higher authority interceded for the woman whom the boss showed to the door only because she left for the funeral of a loved one.

It is important to consider all circumstances and past merits of the employee

A complaint from a resident of Tambov reached the Supreme Court. For many years, the woman worked in the local central market. Two years ago, an employee had a misfortune: a relative died in Moscow. Having learned about the tragedy, she asked the director for two days to go to the capital for the funeral. The boss ordered to write an application for unpaid leave and said that he would release the subordinate. The lady immediately told the whole team about the upcoming trip. In addition, she took the original of the application to the personnel department, and handed over a copy to the archives of the document specialist. Returning to work, the deputy director of the market learned the shocking news: she was fired for absenteeism. The chief backed down and said that he did not approve of any vacation at his own expense and did not release the employee from the workplace. The lady failed to challenge the dismissal in the courts. All instances concluded that the truth is on the employer’s side. He did not issue an order on granting leave, the employee did not familiarize herself with it against signature. This means that, as the judges decided, agreements with the boss do not work in words. However, the Supreme Court sided with the offended worker, returned the case for review and made an important clarification for those who are used to asking time off from work orally. As noted by the panel of supreme judges in their determination, the lower instances did not take into account the circumstances under which absenteeism was committed, if at all. It’s one thing if the employee just went out on a spree or decided to sleep until lunch. And it is quite different if he had to leave for a funeral or sit out at home because of poor health. At the same time, the Supreme Court recalled that according to the law, in the event of the death of close relatives, the employer, in principle, cannot refuse the employee a “funeral” leave. In all other cases, the courts should take into account all the employee’s past merits, the presence or absence of disciplinary offenses in his biography and his attitude to work in general. As pointed out by the Supreme Court, dismissal, even for absenteeism, should be chosen by the employer only as a last resort. It should be taken into account whether the employee has dependents: children, elderly parents or sick relatives.

Supreme Court clarifies how to divide property in case of “extended” divorce

Editor 2019

Important advice for couples who have decided to part ways, but are still dragging their feet with an official breakup, was given by the Supreme Court. It is better to get a divorce right away, otherwise then you will have to share even what both have gained while living apart.

Jointly acquired good is what is acquired even after parting

As it became known to “MK”, ​​the Armed Forces dealt with the dispute between the couple from St. Petersburg. The couple got married in 2008, but decided to separate in 2015. However, they were in no hurry to go to the registry office and lived separately for a whole year, but in the status of legal spouses. After the legal divorce, the ex-wife filed a lawsuit for the division of property. She was not satisfied that her ex-faithful had ten million rubles in the bank account. The man rescued money from his activities as a private entrepreneur – he was engaged in washing and disinfecting tankers. The lady lost two trials. The judges refused to recognize the accumulated millions as jointly acquired property. First, the businessman earned money when he was already living separately from his wife. And secondly, the plaintiff could not give a single argument in favor of the fact that a substantial amount was intended for any needs of the crumbling family. However, the complaint to the Supreme Court yielded very unexpected results. The higher authority agreed with the woman. In its definition, the Collegium of the Supreme Court noted that the Family Code calls any property and money acquired during marriage as joint. Moreover, income from the entrepreneurial activity of one of the spouses also falls into the common piggy bank. So the trip to the registry office for an official divorce only a year after the real breakup of the family for the businessman husband turned out to be a big mistake. All decisions of the lower courts, which were not in favor of the plaintiff, were overturned by the Supreme Court and sent back for reconsideration.

An expert gave advice on how to accept old age

Editor 2019

“Death is what happens to others,” wrote Joseph Brodsky. Old age for the full strength of twenty and thirty also seems to be some kind of distant shore, to which it is still a long time to sail. In fact, as older people say, life will fly by – you will not have time to turn around. It is difficult for us to accept that our body will change, start to work worse. That you will have to give up your favorite jogging in favor of walking, change midnight walks to warm gatherings with a book. Life will be different, and we are afraid to accept it. How to deal with your emotions? Will relatives help to embrace old age? How to learn to live in a new stage? Clinical psychologist Luciya Suleimanova told about this “MK”.

– Old age is a new stage of life, in which everything often changes: a person stops working, starts to sit at home, there is a lot of free time … Many are waiting for these changes with fear. Why are people afraid of old age?

– People are afraid of old age, because the quality of their life changes. We can even say that people are not afraid of old age, but of what they will lose when they meet old age.

What is old age? Physiological processes are alarming at first, and then just frightening. There is a feeling that a strong, reliable house is being destroyed. At the same time, the status changes, people begin to play completely different roles. I would even say that it is precisely the loss of status that occurs: social position and rights are lost. The person retires.

Let’s be honest: there is a worldwide tendency to fire elderly people based on biological experience, where more mature individuals are simply forced out of the pack: “Akela missed!” … A person loses strength, society stops taking him seriously. The world suddenly shrinks into a circle where there is only a TV set, a summer residence, a vegetable garden and grandchildren. And although today the situation has already changed, because life expectancy has increased, our society has not yet managed to reorganize itself to be ready for an active life in retirement.

The fact is that there are two paradigms of understanding how life should develop after 50 years: the age of survival and the situation where the 30 years donated by evolution are lived interestingly and joyfully. The age of survival is an official term that is still alive in the clerical vocabulary, and it is in this wording that it fits into the work book with retirement.

How to live your retirement years in the second paradigm – that is, in a way that makes it enjoyable? This requires a change in the system of thinking and a clear understanding of what happens to us after 50 years.

– Can relatives help in this difficult period of life?

– The main task of a mature person is to accept their age. In the survival model, there are several options for an older person’s behavior after retirement.

The first option is a person respected and revered by all members of society, aksakal. But this model is typical only for traditional societies, where everything is strictly supported by family traditions. Respect for older people is also declared in Russian culture, but, unfortunately, it is rather formal and is not being implemented.

The second option is a person who has lost power and strength and becomes someone who is “used” in the family. As an example: one of my clients, a teacher at a Moscow university, receives a low salary. She has a wonderful son with his wife and children. He tells her, “Mom, why don’t you go to retirement? Why would we hire a nanny? And the pennies that you earn, I will compensate you. ” What do we hear? Devaluation of her interests and a proposal that says that she has reached a certain age and must serve others.

There is another option – the worst one: when a person is simply discounted and no longer interested and reckoned with. These are just our lonely old people. The survival model is psychologically comfortable only for aksakals, when an elderly person lives in respect with his family, can play the role of a wise adviser and arbitrator. This is a situation where grandparents build great relationships with children. Or it is an option when parents and children live separately and children do not violate their way of life. Because it is physically very often difficult for pensioners to engage in endless services for children and grandchildren, they lose their own goals and objectives.

Each role we choose, each type has its own pros and cons. For example, the same aksakal also has a shadow side – when a person becomes a domestic tyrant. Very many children are faced with just such a process. There is a status of grandmother and grandfather “in the wings”. A kind of hazing, on the contrary, when parents rigidly train their children to help the family, and then the children train them just as hard. Adult children can also use blackmail: for example, “if you give money, you will take your grandchildren for the summer.”

Many of our older people feel guilty that they are not such good grandparents, because there is an attitude in society that life at any age should be devoted to children – we have no right to our own goals and objectives. On the other hand, they can enjoy this process because they see the meaning of life in it.

Sometimes the position of behavior of an elderly person is chosen voluntarily, and sometimes it is imposed due to the fact that people cannot do otherwise, they want to maintain relations with relatives. This is why the question of whether relatives can help adapt to a new stage of life is difficult. Of course they can, but only if they accept the fact that a person has the right to his own life and will not be involved in their service in retirement.

It also happens that relatives do not accept the unexpected personal life of an older family member. They actually deprive a person of gender status, deprive him of the right to be a man or a woman. For them, the concept of “our old people” is asexual, meaning that they have no right to privacy after a certain mark in their passport …

– Is it worth it, while waiting for a pension, to specifically look for new activities – for example, to start learning a language or go to dances?

– It is important for a person to do what helps to adapt to new things. It is very useful to develop the brain with certain activities so that memory does not suffer.

At the University of Heidelberg, research was carried out on three groups of middle-aged people aged 50 to 90 years. They were offered three options for their pastime: walking at a brisk pace every day for an hour, doing crosswords or drawing. It turned out that drawing people were best able to memorize. Firstly, during this lesson there is a concentration on the details, and secondly, there is a need to constantly acquire new skills. It is important that relatives support an older person in his hobbies, and it is important for the person himself to find those activities that he will like.

– Do men and women treat old age differently? If so, why?

– Yes, of course, in different ways. For a man, the most terrible loss of strength. At the same time, the attitude towards a man is much better, and the framework that is set for him in society is more flexible. If a man gets married or changes his girlfriends, it means that he is just a “good fellow and an eagle”. And a woman who arranges her personal life after 55 years, for some reason, immediately enrolls in a lady with a dubious reputation. In addition, a woman is more fixed on the loss of visual attractiveness: this is a kind of litmus test. When external beauty leaves, there is a feeling that you are losing your status and the ability to influence others, you cease to be a woman.

– How to get through this difficult period?

– A woman needs to learn to take care of herself, to allow herself more than before, to be able to rest. In a banal version – “love yourself.” Probably, the most important thing for our women is to understand their desires, because we are all accustomed to perform some tasks for the family, and more often ask ourselves the question: “What do I really want?” – we forget.

In addition, the fear of old age is simply paralyzing. It is akin to the scheme of experiencing grief: negative emotions replace each other, various mental and physical reactions occur. In a state of age crisis, it is important to understand well what is happening to you, then adaptation to a new life will be easy. This new life is still positive, interesting and fulfilling. But if a person has not accepted the changes, then it is very difficult to live on.

There are people who get stuck in the stage of denial, insist that “everything is in order” – they do not go to doctors, for example, and, as a result, take all problems to extremes. Or a person may feel anger and rage: how is it, I am young at heart, I have many plans! It is difficult for him to accept his age. Often, against the background of denial of old age, depression can develop.

– How to accept old age?

– The first and important point is to understand that this is happening to everyone. The second is to find hobbies, hobbies for yourself, that is, to switch to some goals and objectives. If a person believes that life ends with retirement, then mentally and unconsciously begins to prepare for death – he has already completed his entire life program …

It is important to understand what type of old age you see for yourself: you can spend time with your family, you can live according to your own program. Men start to play more sports, women – cultural life. Pensioners can allow themselves everything that they did not allow before. But you must definitely find your place at this stage of life. As soon as this happens, a person sees the way, finds new friends, stress and fear of old age decreases, and the physiological state is normalized. A person easily begins to live in the model of the second half of life, which he has accepted and from which he enjoys.

– Is the fear of old age connected with the fear of death?

– Yes, of course. The fear of death appears when serious illnesses arise, or close people leave, or when you approach the age at which your parents died … There is, for example, the setting: “In our family, everyone dies at the age of N years.” I had a client whose mother died at 81. When this woman crossed the threshold at 80 years old, she suddenly began to feel bad and hurt. On the one hand, at this age, health problems are normal. On the other hand, she didn’t have any pain until she was 80. When she realized this, she was able to change such negative dynamics with well-being.

– Can religion help overcome the fear of old age?

– People go to faith under different circumstances and at different ages. In religious acceptance there is a model of consolation, there is an understanding of how life after death will develop further. There are certain requirements that hold a person: follow the laws of God, and then the kingdom of heaven is guaranteed to you. When a person accepts the idea that there are some higher forces, then the feeling disappears that everything in life depends only on you and only you are to blame for everything.

– Before your eyes there may be a model of how your mother or grandmother is aging. Is it worth talking to them on this topic in order to understand that not everything is so scary?

– Talking with the older generation (if the relationship with relatives is positive) is very important: it gives you an understanding of the path, an understanding of what awaits you in the future. Indeed, people who have had experience of caring for the elderly realize that things are not so scary. Many things stop being a shock. When you see that your close relative has gone through really difficult situations, but at the same time retained a positive attitude and his life continues, then you yourself feel positive.

How to teach a child to perform hygiene procedures

Editor 2019

Today, many mothers complain that it is very difficult to teach a child to hygiene. Many babies do not pass the test of a toothbrush – and the whole process is that they brush it over their teeth a couple of times. Some children neglect hand washing altogether, while others

rinse them in a few seconds, completely ignoring “fragrant soap and fluffy towel”. What to do – children love to play and do not like to maintain hygiene.

How to teach a child to hygiene from a young age? There are several simple and effective ways to share with the readers of MK.

Tips for parents

From about two to three years old, children should learn to brush their teeth on their own. At first, many are even interested in this, but as soon as the child realizes that the activity requires daily attention and is generally quite routine, he loses all interest in him. How can you turn brushing your teeth into a game that will captivate your child for a long time and later become a necessary habit?

Brushing your teeth is one of the most boring activities and not all adults enjoy it. But that can be changed! Find and print a picture of teeth. Invite your child to count their teeth and find each of them in the picture. Come up with a funny story about how teeth are friends with each other, so they grow side by side. Turn on your imagination and the child will wait for the moment when he will brush his teeth.

To begin with, so that the child can feel adult and independent, allow him to take the initiative in choosing a toothbrush. Fortunately, their choice in stores is wide – girls may like brushes with fairies and princesses, boys with superheroes, etc. Since it is difficult for children to take water in their palms to rinse their mouths, it is better to immediately purchase a plastic cup with the brush, in which it is will be stored. The taste of toothpaste can greatly affect your desire to brush your teeth, so choose a baby toothpaste that smells good. By the way, child psychologists note that if a child has a toothbrush in a personal cup from early childhood, this affects his independence and self-confidence in the future and allows him to avoid psychological dependence on his mother.

If we talk about hand washing, then it is important to build a gameplay. Let’s say a child doesn’t like washing his hands, which is common. Toys to help him – let them wash their paws in a toy bath with him. Moreover, each action during a hygienic act is best spoken out loud. Learning should take place gradually, so that the child does not feel that he is being trained on purpose, and he does not have a desire to do the opposite.

If there are several children in the family, competitions can be arranged. Prepare for this ahead of time: Buy a Whatman paper and put together a beautiful weekly schedule in which you will mark every hand washing, brushing your teeth, washing your face and showering. In this case, for each visit to the bathroom, the child should receive, for example, a sticker. The winner will be the one who eventually fills all the cells with stickers. The results can be summed up on a weekly basis, and the winners can be awarded. Children love to be successful and receive prizes. This teaching method is suitable for both toddlers and children of 7-10 years old and motivates both the winner and the loser equally. Whatever the outcome of the competition, both children will be motivated to keep competing. The child leader will want to win the prize again, and the loser will take revenge and perform better next week.

Well, do not forget about the infectiousness of our own example – and not only the bad one. When children see that their parents are happy to splash in the bathroom, use toothbrushes with dexterity, wash their hands thoroughly, they involuntarily adopt an example, because they try to imitate mom and dad in everything. Therefore, it will be great if you wash your hands with your baby.

If your child is over seven years old, explain to him why it is important to wash his hands. Show a photo of dangerous bacteria under a microscope and explain what harm they can do if they enter the body. At the same time, it is important not to intimidate the child, so that in the future he does not develop the neurotic habit of washing his hands every five minutes.

It’s important to choose the right baby hand soap. It should not contain a substance called triclosan, which under the guise of destroying all living bacteria on the skin – not only bad, but also good. Also, choose soaps that are free of pungent odors and dyes. The skin of a child differs from the skin of an adult in that it is more delicate and sensitive, therefore the composition of all hygiene products should be natural. The harsh smell of soap may not be pleasant to the child, and this will form a negative image of him associated with washing his hands.

Handwashing can be reinforced by using hygiene aids, such as hand sanitizers. After you have taught your child to wash their hands every time before eating, they may be confused when faced with conditions that would not allow them to do so. Explain to him that the best way to clean his hands is to wash with soap and warm water, but if he cannot do this, an antiseptic should be applied to his hands before he prepares to eat. Remind them to handle their hands not only before eating, but also after using the toilet, playing with pets, handling paper money and coins, and after using gadgets.

When choosing an antiseptic for a child, pay attention to its composition. It is very important that it does not contain alcohol, chemical additives, artificial flavors. The antibacterial effect should be achieved through natural active ingredients (thymol, colloidal silver, eucalyptus or thyme oil, oregano, mint and other herbs). Now on sale there are safe antiseptics based on colloidal silver that will not cause allergies or dry out the skin of the child’s hands.