The New Year’s holidays have died down, from which they always expect some kind of magic. And surely under the chimes, many made their deepest desire – to find their soul mate. Millions of lonely people have been unable to meet her for years. And what happiness can there be without love?
In recent years, residents of large cities are increasingly turning to the marriage industry for help in finding a life partner – Internet sites, dating services, matchmakers. Who are modern men and women looking for, why it is easier for pensioners to meet their love than for young people, and what a born matchmaker should be, we found out from the famous metropolitan matchmaker Elena.
– Elena, how did it happen that you became a professional matchmaker?
– I discovered my vocation in a medical university, where I worked for a long time. I liked helping people, “pimping,” as they say. She began by introducing her single girlfriends and classmates. It turned out that I immediately saw which couples fit together. The desire to continue doing what I love and led me to the marriage industry. It is a great happiness for me to help single people find their happiness.
– What part of dating through a marriage agency ends with long-term relationships or marriages? How often do failures occur when a person cannot find a match at all?
– About 15% of people never find their soul mate. Most often this happens due to the overstated requirements of a person to a future partner. I try to work with people, convince them to moderate their demands, to look at things objectively, but this does not always work. It happens, however, that people leave and come back after a few months or years already changed, wiser and more flexible.
– What are they, modern brides and grooms? What has changed in marriage tendencies in your ten years of work?
– If we talk about the age range, then it is, of course, different. The database contains profiles of young people from 21 years old, elderly grooms and brides who have not lost faith in love. The main stream of clients is women. The most popular age for our clients is 30–35 years old. Women have also become more emancipated, independent. If ten years ago a man was looking for a younger wife, now the weaker sex also “sins” with this. Men who turn to our agency are looking for an extremely serious relationship. We can say that over the past five to ten years, marriages have “aged”. Now young people are in a hurry to make a career, travel a lot, and they begin to think about the family just after 35 years. But in general, the number of male profiles has increased in recent years. Some grooms are tired of searching through social networks where girls are trying to get a jackpot. Also, divorced men who already know how good it is to have a quiet family haven are often addressed. They are just looking for women to match themselves.
– When meeting on the Internet, people often run into swindlers or perverts. How do you screen out such candidates?
– I personally talk with each candidate, I immediately see scammers and gigolos. Naturally, I check my passport and other information through the security service. But it is very rare to refuse services: as a rule, people who go to a marriage agency and pay money come to us with serious intentions. Scammers are more likely to trade in virtual reality, so finding a husband on the Internet is becoming more and more difficult.
“Good men are dismantled with” puppies “
– What kind of men do modern women dream about? Conversely, who do men want to find?
– Young attractive girls are looking for wealthy men. They set a framework – income, for example, from 300 thousand, no less. More mature ladies are already focused on common interests, and wealth comes as a pleasant bonus. The ideal option is a man with a core, kind and responsible. And then, of course, problems begin, because in recent years there are fewer and fewer truly strong men who are ready to take responsibility. Girls take such people apart literally as “puppies”, and then you can only get to know them in case of divorce, when they are about 40–45 years old. The demands of men are also natural. They want to see a beautiful, intelligent, interesting companion next to them. Of course, the first thing a potential groom looks at is a photo. The first impression is that you can’t get away from it. But after the first date, the similarity of characters, spirituality, so to speak, is already noticeable. And appearance gradually fades into the background. As for wealthy men, they are less and less looking for models with silicone breasts and lips. They need smart girls, domestic, loving children. Very often, by the way, wealthy clients ask not to advertise their condition in front of the candidates, they are tired that everyone around them is interested in their wallet. At the same time, they are ready to fully support the future darling and even help her close relatives, but first she must choose them for other qualities, with her heart. In general, a woman who is ready to start a family, easy-going and kind, will definitely find her betrothed. The rest is details. And any woman has a chance to meet a suitable partner, we do not refuse to help anyone. True, sometimes it happens quickly, and sometimes it takes years. It’s just that after 35 years, the bar should go down, because there are fewer and fewer free good men at this age. That is, the fewer requirements a woman makes for a potential life partner, the more chances of finding him. Although many modern women after 35 look even better than young ones.
– In general, grooms and brides often show clearly exaggerated demands on their halves? What are they?
– Excessive requirements are encountered, because of them, the search for a life partner is in many ways delayed. For women, this is a request for a well-to-do man, preferably without children, alimony and loans. Imagine such a beauty writes 50 points that a man should. Few people will pass such a casting. Sometimes they call and demand an oligarch. It’s funny. We have, of course, wealthy suitors, but Abramovich, alas, did not leave a questionnaire. Well, men are not far behind. They ask, for example, a photo in a swimsuit. The main thing is appearance and figure. And also to make good money without children. In general, there was a case when “while unemployed” wanted to find at least the daughter of an oligarch. In general, people in our time are very disunited, and often without the help of the same matchmaker, they simply cannot build relationships even with familiar people. Once a lady of old age turned to me. We posted her profile and even found an overseas prince. It seems like a fairy tale about Cinderella, but it turned out that they knew the “prince”! How can you not believe in fate? Now the “newlyweds” live happily in France. Once again, a man and a woman came to me, whom they had already tried to introduce in another agency, but they did not like each other. After talking with each of them, I realized that they are just a great couple in all respects. It took a long time to persuade them to go on a date again, they went there, it seems, only out of respect for me. But it worked, now they are together and happy. In general, a lot of interesting things happened in ten years. There were cases when a potential groom described the desired image of a client, and I understood that we have a woman who fits one hundred percent into his ideal.
– In the film “A hostel is provided for the lonely” the heroine of Natalia Gundareva not only introduced people, but also constantly solved their family problems. Don’t your clients come to you with this?
– And how! Not without it. It is important not only to introduce people, but also to help them build relationships, and this does not always happen easily and easily. Very often, when our clients already start living together, women come to us to complain about their partner. For example, they complain that a man is not well-groomed, does not take care of himself, does not dress well, I explain to them that it is now their concern to look after the appearance of a loved one. Still very often they come with complaints about the mother-in-law, there are times when I have to act as a conciliator in violent quarrels. Once I introduced two clients: he is 43, she is 37 years old, everything seems to be working out for them, we went to rest together. After a while, first a woman called with the words: this is such a cretin! And then a man showed up and also swore at what the light was about his girlfriend: this is such a hysterical woman, do not introduce her to anyone, have mercy on the men! Well, what can you do, I began to look for a new pair for each of them. But somehow neither one nor the other did not succeed. At the same time, I really understood that these women and men are very suitable for each other. I began to persuade them to try again, and it worked, now their child is already three years old.
“I wish God would let me live longer”
– Do pensioners turn to you for help? Is it harder for them to find a mate than young ones?
– Yes, pensioners come quite often, among the elderly there are most of all lonely, unnecessary people. Children and grandchildren grow up, they have their own lives, and there is practically no time to communicate with their parents. Some grandmothers and grandfathers, tired of loneliness, come to us, although it is very difficult for them, they are ashamed to look for a partner at this age, and even through a matchmaker. Once a 76-year-old woman came to our agency, very smart and intelligent. This woman buried her husband and daughter, we talked with her for an hour and a half, probably, and both cried, her life was so hard. Very soon we sent her on a date with one wonderful grandfather. After the meeting, the woman immediately said that if the gentleman chooses her, then she needs nothing better. Now the “young” have moved in and live together. They just shine with happiness and say all the time: if only God would let them live longer now. In general, it is, of course, easier to find a couple for older people than for young people, they do not have such exaggerated requirements, they are most often not interested in the material side of the issue.
– Does it happen that parents of adult unmarried children come to you for help?
– Yes, quite often, both mothers and even grandmothers come for advice on how to persuade children or grandchildren to seek help. Relatives of unmarried girls after 28-30 years of age are especially worried: after all, they may no longer have time to have children. In fact, in such big cities as Moscow, getting to know someone is a whole problem. If you have not found yourself a mate in college or among friends, it is difficult to find a partner.
– What qualities should a good matchmaker have?
– Intuition is the main weapon of a good matchmaker. The ability to understand people well, notice the subtleties, build a logical chain, see suitable pairs like pieces of a puzzle. During the interview, I look into the soul. Having evaluated the client’s inner world, it is much easier to find a person with similar views and temperament. And it is also very important to truly sincerely love people, those around you feel it and begin to trust you.
– How often do clients ask about your marital status, is it important for people that the matchmaker is married? How does your husband feel about your job?
– Clients are all interested. And that’s okay. It would be strange to come to a doctor who does not know how to heal. I am married, and my husband fully supports me in all my endeavors. And the confirmation of our happy family was two children. Of course, now they are adults, but for us all the same children.