Government amendments to the law “On Education” on a unified organizational and technical basis for enrolling children in kindergartens on an electronic basis passed the first reading in the State Duma on November 12. Parliamentarians hope that this will help to make the process of allocating places in preschool institutions transparent.
As noted in the explanatory note to the bill, electronic queues will function at the level of regional information systems. The main advantage of this technology for parents is that they will be informed in time about how their child has moved to the cherished place in the kindergarten. If, for some reason, the sequence of seat allocation changes, the system will have to report this as well.
The information system will record data about children put on the waiting list, about kindergartens, as well as the results of considering applications for a place and children who are already attending a preschool institution.
“This will increase the responsibility of bodies and organizations authorized to enter information into these information systems, ensure uniformity of mechanisms for recording data on children who need a place in educational institutions implementing educational programs for preschool education,” the explanatory note says.
The electronic queue will not become synonymous with transparency, experts say. The main problem, as always, is in the language invented by officials.
As Kirill Druzhinin, an expert of the Commission of the Public Chamber of the Russian Federation on social policy, labor relations and quality of life, explained, far from all children who actually stand in it are taken into account in the queue for a place in kindergarten.
– There is a letter from the Ministry of Education and Science, which says that only those children who entered it for the first time are taken into account in the queue for a place in kindergarten, – explained Druzhinin, – If for some reason the parents refused the place in the garden offered to them, they are transferred to the next year and are not taken into account in the queue, but transferred to the category of “deferred demand”.
Children who have been allocated a place in a kindergarten far from home regularly get into “deferred demand”. They are not taken into account in the statistics of waiting lists after refusal, which means that the shortage of places in preschool institutions, if there is, is insignificant – much less than in reality. At the same time, children with temporary registration at the place of residence are also not included in the waiting list statistics.
– In Kirov alone, 34 parents have now filed a lawsuit against the city administration because of the provision of places in gardens 50 kilometers from home. This trend is observed in all regions. New residential complexes are built without taking into account the standards, even if the developer takes on the burden of building social infrastructure facilities. According to the standards, there should be 65 places in the garden per thousand inhabitants. In fact, it most often happens that a kindergarten for 250 children is being built in a residential complex for seven thousand people, – said Druzhinin.
Experts’ fears are confirmed by Rosstat figures. According to the department’s estimates, over the past four years, the number of preschool childcare facilities has decreased: 47.8 thousand kindergartens in 2018 against 51 thousand in 2014. At the same time, the number of pupils increased from 6,813 in 2014 to 7,582 at the end of last year.
An employee with three or more children, the youngest of whom is under 14 years old, will be able to take leave without queue and at any convenient time – this initiative was made by the Federation of Independent Trade Unions of Russia.
Recall that in 2018, the state provided large families with an unscheduled leave benefit. But the age of all children is limited to 12 years. The purpose of the law is a more active participation of parents in the upbringing of children and the combination of the leisure time of both spouses.
However, in practice, not everything is so rosy for those large families in which at least one child has reached the age of more than 12 years. In this case, the employee is already deprived of the benefits of taking a vacation at any time of the year
As explained in the FNPS, this suggests that the adopted norm is discriminatory. After all, children over 12 do not cease to be children and also need the attention of their parents. Therefore, the experts of the organization consider it necessary to amend the legislation – to provide employees with three or more children with the opportunity to take leave at their request at a convenient time until the youngest of the children reaches 14 years old.
Women’s forums are filled with screams of despair from young mothers: I hate my child when he yells, what should I do? And after bouts of anger, bouts of remorse follow – how can you be so annoyed with a sweet angel? After all, this means that she is not a mother, but an echidna, and she will burn in hell for terrible thoughts …
Together with the psychologist Yevgeny Zinger, we are figuring out whether such recurring “anti-mother” feelings are the norm and what to do at such moments so as not to harm your own child?
When the angel pisses you off, share the anger
“When my daughter cries because of colic, I just get furious with these screams! And after another attack, I see my daughter sleeping peacefully, I look at her and cry. I don’t understand what kind of animal I am, how can I react to the cry of my child? And then I hate myself! ” – Yulia from St. Petersburg shares with mothers-members of the forum. There were quite a few such “terrible mothers,” as Yulia calls herself: under her cry of the soul, 200 comments appeared with similar confessions.
“I went through it myself,” her compatriot Ekaterina reassures her. – Literally 2 months ago I already had a state of psychosis. I was wildly annoyed by my own child, I even shouted at him a couple of times, and he pursed his lips and began to scream even more. Then I cried with him … ”. Maria from Nizhny Novgorod echoes them: “Most of us have such problems, sometimes I don’t want to live directly, when I cannot put her to sleep, I often fall into hysterics, yell at her, I want to strangle myself for this behavior, and I don’t understand why I am so angry in a fit of these whims, as if someone possesses me … ”.
Here, moms share tips on how to be in such a situation:
“My experienced mother suggested a way to control emotions. If I feel that anger is rolling, I put the child on the bed and go out for 5 minutes, calm down and only then return to the child. ” And here’s another recommendation: “Send your grandmother or husband for a walk with the child for at least an hour, take a bath yourself, sleep or go somewhere to unwind. If there is no one around, and you are very angry with the child, then go out into another room and catch your breath, open the window, take a breath of fresh air, calm down and return to the child – nothing if he shouts for five minutes without you. “
Psychologist Evgeny Zinger explained that the situation when a mother is angry with her baby is completely normal for any woman and cannot be avoided. The situation should be viewed from different positions and depending on the age of the child.
If this happens in relation to a baby up to a year, then there are several main reasons.
– It should be borne in mind that after giving birth, a woman’s lifestyle changes very much. Often (if the family does not have a nanny and a maid), the mother has to sacrifice many things that were very important for her in her previous, childless life: meetings with friends, work, creativity, a fitness club, personal care … And just the opportunity to go to the street and do what you want. Any person, finding himself in such conditions, will undoubtedly be angry. This may not be a prison in the literal sense, but something similar: the restrictions that a woman seemed to go to consciously, nevertheless cause her inner protest. The second factor of outbursts of anger: a person who sleeps a little and gets tired, aggressiveness increases many times, this has been proven by scientific experiments. Third factor. A woman is not a robot, but a living person, she also has a husband, and, possibly, other children, and her own mother and father … And all this affects her mood, which is not always rosy.
If you put all this on the situation: three o’clock in the morning, the woman slept for only a couple of hours, and her “angel” screams and does not want to calm down, although her mother has tried all the methods … The woman does not understand what else she can do so that he does not cry … It is normal for a person to be angry.
– So, we can tell these mothers: this does not mean that you are a bad mother!
– Of course, this is typical of all mothers. In private conversations with me, many women confessed: I sometimes hate my child so much that I am ready to fuck him; I’m ready to yell, and bloody pictures appear before my eyes … Moreover, after half an hour I look at him and think, how could such a thing come to my mind? This is my life, my beloved child.
– But where is the border that cannot be crossed in your anger at the child? Suddenly my mother will not cope with her anger …
– Anger as an emotion that arises in a mother is absolutely natural, and it is normal when the child is one, three, and fifteen … But there is a fundamentally important point. It is one thing to feel anger inside myself, and another thing is how I express it. In this sense, the way of expressing anger should be adequate to the person with whom we are dealing. One thing is a baby, another thing is a two-year-old baby. The third case is my beloved husband and the fourth is the saleswoman of the sausage department. Psychological health is just about the ability to adequately choose the ways of expressing oneself in accordance with the situation. In other words, being angry with a child is absolutely normal, but hitting him at such moments is not normal.
– And what to do with this inner anger?
– The first rule: do not be ashamed of your anger, share it (share, speak with someone. – Auth.), in which case the anger will go away. For example, call a friend at this moment and pour out your indignation on her: “Listen, can you imagine, mine has been yelling for half an hour and will not calm down!” 2-3 minutes of such sharing – and the degree of rage will subside. Second: you need to find ways to unload yourself, free yourself from the child for a while, give yourself what you like, what you enjoy. Rest, replenish your vital resources. But how to do it, everyone has their own methods and preferences.
We asked a psychologist when a woman should go to a specialist. Here’s what he explained:
– Children often do things that make us unhappy, but the way to explain this to them will be different depending on the age of the child. For example, to explain something to babies with a cry, words will not work. The task of the mother in the infancy period is to contain, that is, to put her emotions and the child in a “container”, in this case it means that the mother does not just endure the crying of the child, but understands and accepts it, perceives the baby’s anger not as aggression directed against herself , but as his defensive reaction to attract the attention of the mother.
Therefore, the most important thing here is to understand whether the mother remembers that a) she is now dealing with a child and b) how old is he? If she catches herself thinking that I will now “beat” him, throw something at him, this is clearly an inadequate expression of anger. The help of a specialist is required if a woman is visited by outbursts of anger, during which she loses control.
Further. Often the mother punishes herself for the fact that the child, as she believes, feels her anger and her dissatisfaction with him. The second reason for turning to a psychologist is if she is constantly tormented by a feeling of guilt, namely, a destructive feeling of guilt that does not go away for a long time (we all feel guilt as such from time to time). Because in the end, this only makes the child worse.
In moments of irritation with a child, a woman should strive to understand (and since anger will prevent this, you need to go into another room and cool down, look at the situation from the outside), is there a reason to be angry with her child, or a woman in life that something happens, and she just takes out her frustration on him. If there is a reason – for example, the baby is capricious, smears porridge on the table or pulls on his pants for half an hour, and she is in a hurry somewhere – then in this situation (I emphasize, if the mother is psychologically stable!) She can keep her anger inside herself and in a rather calm tone tell the child: “I’m angry with you now, we agreed on this and this, and you are doing this and this. I’m not happy and I don’t like it at all. ” She can be 300% angry, and will give the child 25% – that is, in proportion to the one with whom she is dealing. And it is very important that she does it. This helps the child to feel the boundaries of what is allowed, what is allowed and what is not.
And if you have soberly assessed yourself and the situation and saw that there is no reason for anger, if you cannot measure your anger and the child’s ability to perceive it, if you constantly feel like a bad mother, if you do not feel anything at all for the child, or if the slightest a whim causes rage and you want to hit him, then, perhaps, you cannot do without the help of a psychologist.
“My son never draws in pictures, where he depicts our family, the younger sister, as if she does not exist,” the mother of a 5-year-old child worries. “My daughter always paints herself separately from my husband and I,” the parents of the first grader complain.
Of course, it is impossible to fully understand the problems of the child and his attitude towards the family only by his art. However, experts are sure that many of the “pain points” of the baby can be easily identified by what and how he draws.
What can the drawings tell about the child, his emotional state and attitude towards loved ones? We tried to figure it out with a child psychologist.
Unfortunately, sometimes attentive parents are sure that the child feels comfortable in the family, even if this is not entirely true, – explains the child psychologist Yulia Krotova. – An ordinary child’s drawing can tell adults a lot about the baby’s condition even without going to a specialist. Understanding will help adults smooth out the negative and create a comfortable environment for the child. Of course, there is practically no point in evaluating the drawings of babies under three years old, they do not objectively reflect the child’s inner state and his relationship to adults. Children’s creativity becomes really informative from 4-5 years old. Also, you should not evaluate a picture of a child if it is drawn immediately after some kind of family conflict or quarrel. Obviously, the drawing will show only the child’s attitude to the current situation, and not his state and perception of his family as a whole.
Experts believe that one of the most effective ways to diagnose intra-family relationships is the “My Family” drawing test. With a correct assessment, you can get the most complete information from it. To conduct the test, you just need to ask the child to draw his family the way he wants.
Black dad and lonely kid
A case from one’s life: Alina from the Moscow Region noticed that her eldest 5-year-old son became very capricious and withdrawn after the birth of her younger sister. The My Family drawing showed unexpected results. The kid depicted himself on the left side of the sheet next to the grandmother and the cat. Mom and her sister were on the other side of the sheet, and dad was drawn in the middle of the composition and carefully shaded in black, the rest of the family were painted in bright colors.
Psychologist’s comment: In the drawing of his son, Alina was most excited by the fact that the boy depicted his father in black, although in this situation it did not matter much and happened by accident. After talking with the child, it turned out that recently the man most often wore a dark jacket and trousers, which is why the son painted it with a black pencil. In such a picture, you can talk about the reasons for the baby’s anxiety by the composition, that is, by the way the characters are placed in the picture. The child clearly feels deprived of the attention of the parents, unnecessary for them after the birth of a younger sister. Based on the picture, we can say that lately he has developed close relationships only with his grandmother and a cat. Judging by the fact that the boy portrayed his father in the center of the picture, but separately from other family members, the father tries to give everyone equal attention, but is rarely at home, since he works a lot.
How to interpret a drawing by color
Normally, children usually paint bright and colorful pictures of their family. On average, they use 5-6 colors for coloring. Experts note that the more confident the kid is, the brighter his art looks. True, each kid has several especially favorite colors, which will prevail in the picture. However, in general, by the nature of the coloring of the picture, conclusions can be drawn about the current state of the child. So, light, bright or saturated colors speak of cheerfulness and comfortable well-being of the baby in the family. The predominance of red can indicate the emotional tension and irritability of the little artist. If the baby’s family is drawn in black and gray, it is worth thinking about the presence of hidden fears in the child, trying to understand the reasons why he is restless around loved ones. Interestingly, most often the baby paints the same color as himself, the family member for whom he has the greatest sympathy.
Children’s drawing and composition
Normally, the child usually draws his family in the central part of the sheet, the downward shift most often indicates the child’s low self-esteem, and upward – on the contrary, about the overestimated. The only children in the family most often paint themselves in the center of the composition between mom and dad. The family members that the child draws closest to his own image are usually the closest. It is also worth paying attention to the sequence in which the child draws household members: the one who is closer to the beginning, in the eyes of the child, takes a more significant position in the family. If a baby portrays himself aside from loved ones, this most often indicates a feeling of loneliness of the baby, a feeling of his uselessness to loved ones. In addition, such a composition is often chosen by children who experience jealousy and lack of parental attention after the birth of a brother or sister.
The absence of one of the family members in the picture is also considered an alarming sign. If this is the same little brother or sister, then the point is jealousy. If there is no mom or dad in the picture, this may mean that the baby has practically no psychological contact and emotional connection with this person at the moment. For example, if a child did not draw his little brother or sister, perhaps he is jealous of his parents and seeks to defend his right to their love. If there is no “artist” himself in the picture, it is worth considering that the baby feels rejected, unnecessary in the family. If a fictional family member appears in the picture, experts also note that the child is currently experiencing a lack of parental love.
Rake hands and clouds over the nursery
A case from one’s life: Oleg from Moscow began to worry that after starting school, his 7-year-old son began to show incomprehensible aggression and anger, began to obey poorly and even be rude to adults. Recently, the boy’s parents had to work a lot, the child spent most of the time with the nanny, so the adults decided to check if this was the reason for the changes in the child’s behavior. In the drawing, the boy depicted all family members, including the dog, he painted himself last. All the heroes were painted with bright colors, people are holding hands, drawn in a fairly proportional manner. The only thing that can alert the picture is the unnatural rake hands of the smallest author and clouds over the heads of the characters in the drawing.
Psychologist’s comment: Judging by the location of the characters in the picture, at the moment the child does not feel deprived of attention in the family. The only thing, not very good, is that he portrayed himself as the last one, this suggests that the boy subconsciously does not feel significant in the family. But the author’s unnatural rake hands can really speak of latent anger and aggression in the child. The clouds depicted above the family in the picture also testify to some negative emotions in the baby. In this case, it seems that the boy’s irritation does not come from the family, but from some external factors, possibly from the aggressive behavior of his classmates at school.
The position of the characters and proportions in the drawing:
The comfortable state of the child in the family, as a rule, is evidenced by the fact that all the characters are depicted in the correct proportions relative to reality. If a baby portrays himself as very small, it means that he feels insecure and insecure even in the circle of loved ones. As for the rest of the family and pets, the larger they are shown in the picture, the more role they play for the baby. The pose of the author himself in the picture is also of great importance. A happy and confident child is likely to depict himself with arms and legs outstretched, with all limbs drawn in detail according to the artist’s ability. Hands pressed to the body or covering the head indicate the child’s insecurity, perhaps adults too often scold or criticize him.
Drawings in which the author depicts himself as if hanging in the air, and not standing on the same plane with other family members, speak about the child’s negative emotions. Big eyes and brightly drawn pupils of the characters can indicate the anxiety of the baby, as well as the strong, with a clip, shading of the characters in the drawing. And the unnaturally huge rake hands of one of the characters, including the child himself, testify to the hidden anger of their owner.
Details in children’s art:
Psychologists believe that the complete absence of any details in the drawing of the child’s family indicates the isolation of its author. The opposite situation, when there are too many of these details, may indicate a hidden anxiety of the baby. The image of some specific objects in the picture also often indicates that the baby is not well in the family. For example, if, instead of people, a child draws a building where the family lives, then this may be a sign that the child is uncomfortable among those close to him. The image of the sun or a lamp can mean that the author of the picture lacks warmth in relations with loved ones. Clouds and clouds also indicate negative emotions that are bothering the baby at the moment, but they do not necessarily come from family members. The image of various toys or non-existent pets may indicate that the child does not have enough attention from loved ones.
SIGNS OF A WELL-BEING BABY
1. The task to draw a family made the child happy.
2. All family members with whom the baby communicates closely are present in the picture.
3. Heroes are portrayed in proportion, no one looks unnaturally large or small.
4. All family members are close to each other, holding hands. All limbs of the characters are well traced.
5. The drawing is made in rich and bright colors without strong shading.
SIGNS OF HIDDEN PROBLEMS IN A CHILD’S FAMILY
1. The kid does not want to draw his family or draws his house instead of people.
2. Excessively large or small size of individual family members.
3. The kid draws himself as the last member of the household, demonstrating that he means little in his family.
4. In the picture, one of the family members, the child himself, or a non-existent character appears.
5.Picturing yourself or loved ones with a closed face or unnaturally large hands.
6. The predominance of black, gray, brown and purple tones in the picture, the desire to draw your family with only a simple pencil.
CORRECT ANALYSIS OF CHILDREN’S DRAWING. TIPS FOR PARENTS
– For analysis, you should not take drawings that children drew in kindergarten, school or art studio – they are usually performed according to certain criteria;
– If you want to correctly evaluate the colors used in the drawing, offer your child a full set of pencils and paints. Otherwise, the baby can draw a picture in dark colors only because they were at that moment at hand.
– You should not arrange an art test when the child is tired, offended or upset – the result will be uninformative, as it will show the state of the baby at the moment.
– Ask the child to describe his picture on his own, to tell what each of the characters feels, so it will be easier to correctly interpret the child’s art, especially if he is not very good at drawing.
– During the test, try not to praise or criticize the art of your child, otherwise it will be problematic to retest after a while, since the child will act according to a template, trying to please the parent.